December 13th, 2006

Do you ever get really depressed sometimes?

Do you ever get incredibly depressed sometimes? I went to a practice for my graduation today, and for some reason they gave a little speech about the doctoral student. The 2 others won this prize and that award, were on this list and did certain amazing things.

Then there was me. Gosh darn it was depressing. All they could come up with is "He's a trouper" and "He's graduating," pretty much. I felt like a second class citizen despite getting the maximum degree possible. This wouldn't bother me if there were other people that got the same comments I did, but after 5 minutes of rave reviews, the comments they gave me point to the gulf they see between me and them.

I come across as cocky and confident (I've learned how to fake it after 10yrs as a teacher), but I've always felt a bit of an inferiority complex when I talked to others on the program. The result is I've been sure I wouldn't get to graduation. I know that now I'm here, I shouldn't be complaining but I'd still have liked something more than a "Didn't he do well."

I'm tempted not to go to graduation now if I'm honest.