jamiebowen0306 (jamiebowen0306) wrote,

A Moment of Revelation with My Folks

I've always had a bit of a chip on my shoulder with respect to my family. Maybe it's in part to do with being the only child who was sent away to school. Maybe it's in part to do with how they treated me after my oldest child was born when I was 17. In large part though it's due to the fact that part of me has always suspected they think I'm not very bright.

I'm the eldest of 9 kids. I'm the only one who didn't go to Cambridge or Imperial College (the British equivalent of MIT) and the only one who didn't graduate and then immediately start a Ph.D. I can remember my folks suggesting I drop out of school (or college) at 16, 17, 18, 21 and 22.

I'm not a "pretty learner." I think I've said in the past I've been seen as the opposite of a swan. You can see me peddling like crazy but inside, I've always had a sneaking suspicion that I could do whatever I set my mind to academically. I'm sure there's some coach somewhere who said that "Winning pretty's a nice thing to do but winning ugly's still winning." Academically, I win ugly but it's still winning and that's not a bad thing I think.

Anyway I've always assumed that my family assumed I lacked intelligence because I "won ugly." But we were having a discussion about something business related over dinner this evening and it hit me that the way they talked to me suggested I was wrong to think they thought I was slightly less able than them, and that they actually thought I was just pain dumb.

The discussion itself is too unimportant to go into detail about here, but when I pointed out an error in their logic, my father threw a plate at me (he's always had pride in his socialist views, but I'd pointed out his views were pretty right wing), one sister told me I was an intellectual pygmy who she could jump over intellectually 10x over and my kid brother yelled at me that I was an "effing moron" and a "effing c who had the brain the size of a walnut."

Four hours on I'm still stunned.
Tags: england, family, life

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